


she changes the weather in my world

by reachthetree



Category: Little Mix (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Masturbation, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2015-09-01
Packaged: 2018-04-18 13:10:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4707161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reachthetree/pseuds/reachthetree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It’s fun to flirt with your friends, and it doesn’t have to mean anything.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>It just feels different when you’re actually in love with them.</i>
</p>
<p>Uni AU in which Jesy doesn't hate romance, Jade doesn't love Niall, and no friendships are ruined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	she changes the weather in my world

**Author's Note:**

  * For [othisredding](https://archiveofourown.org/users/othisredding/gifts).



> Thank you for your prompts! I hope this is at least somewhat close to what you wanted. I had fun writing it, so thank you.
> 
> The biggest thanks to my lovely friend and beta M without whom this would suck a lot more. You're golden and I never want to get you out of my hair.
> 
> Title appreciatively borrowed from 'She changes the weather' by Swim Deep.
> 
> Finally: read the tags for content warnings, pour one out for Neon Jungle, and hope you enjoy! x

Jesy is halfway through her morning tea, and thus about halfway to being a person, when Jade enters the kitchen.

”Morning!” Jade chirps. How Jesy is still friends with a morning person, she doesn’t know.

”Good morning,” Jesy rasps, and does her best to smile. She highly suspects it’s more of a strange grimace, but she tried.

Jade is humming some song she doesn’t know, but Jesy starts tapping along on her teacup anyway. When Jade bends down to get her milk from the fridge, her t-shirt rides up and exposes her cute little bum, hugged by black hipster briefs.

Before she can think better of it, Jesy wolf-whistles. Jade jerks up and pulls on her t-shirt to cover herself. She turns around to shoot Jesy a glare. Jesy just sticks her tongue out at her and grins cheekily. She’s much more awake already.

”Grow up,” Jade says, but she’s smiling, a hint of a flush on her cheeks.

She’s too beautiful for it to be a good idea for Jesy to act like this, but that hasn’t stopped her before. ”I definitely think that was grown up,” Jesy retorts and waggles her eyebrows. ”Nothing for the kids, no ma’am.”

Jade laughs and shakes her head as she pours milk into a bowl. ”You’re incorrigible,” she says matter-of-factly.

”True.” Jesy takes a sip of tea. ”And you’re half naked.”

”Thanks for the update,” Jade says dryly, and sits down at the table opposite Jesy. ”And here I thought I was wearing my invisible pyjamas.”

Jesy snorts and almost swallows tea the wrong way. ”Invisible pyjamas,” she repeats. ”Sounds like an indie band.”

”You’ll sing, I play guitar?” Jade looks up from her cereal bowl and smiles.

”Hell yes!” Jesy claps her hands together. ”It’ll be like Phoebe from friends, but with better singing. Not to brag, but.”

”Relax,” Jade says. ”You’re good, you’re allowed to know it.”

She looks at Jesy a bit more seriously then, and Jesy needs to look away. ”Thanks.” She notices that the bin is almost full again, but she could have sworn she just emptied it.

”Maybe this should be my stage outfit,” Jade muses with her spoon held in the air. ”Live up to the name, you know.”

An image of Jade in underwear and a big t-shirt under stage lights flash before Jesy’s eyes. She swallows. ”Er, yeah, sounds great.”

”Obviously you should do it too,” Jade continues. ”So I’m not alone.”

”Of course.” Jesy tries to sound light, but her body is tense when she stands up and goes to wash up her teacup, causing her to splash dishwater on her very much not invisible pyjamas. They’ve got kittens on them.

She tells Jade goodbye and leaves the kitchen to get ready for her lectures with her heart somehow both heavy and light. It’s fun to flirt with your friends, and it doesn’t have to mean anything.

It just feels different when you’re actually in love with them.

-

After Jesy’s lectures, Perrie’s promised to help her dye her hair. Jesy has dyed her own hair since she was 13, but it’s nicer doing it with Perrie – friendly fingers massaging her scalp and spreading the red dye, giggling in the chemical fumes and chatting about everything. 

”So I was talking to Louis today,” Perrie says conversationally as she squirts out some more dye, cool against Jesy’s scalp. ”And he’s got a friend he’s been trying to set someone up with for ages. Harry, english lit, tall with broad shoulders. Reckon you’d be interested?”

She starts working the new dye in and Jesy closes her eyes. ”We’ve been through this, Pez,” she says. ”I appreciate your concern, but I’m not interested, all right?”

”Fine.” She can hear the held-back sigh in Perrie’s voice. ”Just want you to be happy, you know.”

”I know.” Jesy opens her eyes. She’s eye level with Perrie’s pastel pink cable-knitted jumper. Looking up at her face, Jesy continues, ”I appreciate it. But really, I’m fine.”

That earns her a smile. ”All right, you independent woman, you. Now look down before I spill dye on your face.”

Jesy grins and turns her head down, facing the towel she’s wrapped in. Perrie never spills a drop, which admittedly is also a contributing factor to Jesy preferring her help over doing this alone. Jesy is perfectly capable of making her hair look nice, but over the years she’s sacrificed many towels and bras to whomever the deity for looking hot is.

”Okay,” Perrie says after a few more minutes of blissful scalp massage, ”all done!” She peels the gloves off her hands and Jesy stands up. 

”Thank you,” she says happily.

”Anytime,” Perrie smiles back. ”Want to come watch Game of Thrones while it soaks?”

Jesy nods, and follows Perrie to her room where Asami is waiting, sitting on the floor with a book in her lap.

”Hiya,” she waves to Jesy, then tilts her face up for a kiss from Perrie. 

Jesy sits down on Perrie’s unmade bed, but Perrie gets comfortable on the floor next to Asami. She’s got her computer hooked up to a tv screen, not a big one, but big enough, so they all have a good view. Jesy’s sitting cross-legged, careful not to lean her head against the wall. Perrie’s head is resting on Asami’s shoulder, her bleach blonde hair tangled with Asami’s electric blue, and Jesy doesn’t have to see it to know that they’re holding hands.

It’s sweet; they’re lovely people, and even lovelier as a couple. Jesy can see why Perrie would want her to have that with someone, too. What she doesn’t see is why people act like romance is something to be chased after, as if life is incomplete without it.

She’s not opposed to romance – she just doesn’t need it. While a lot of people seem to think that being alone is the worst thing that could happen, Jesy prefers being alone over being with someone who isn’t right for her. People think it’s weird that she’s in university and has never had a serious relationship; Jesy thinks it’s common sense. She spent too much time growing up wondering why her mum was still with her dad to take a chance on the wrong person.

The episode floats by without a lasting impression on Jesy, and then she excuses herself to wash her dye out. She revels in the hot water, and how smooth her hair feels when it’s just been dyed. After she’s done, she knocks on Perrie’s door and yells, ”thanks again!” From what she can hear muffled behind the door, it’s probably for the best that she doesn’t open it.

She spends the rest of her evening making a Spotify playlist entitled ’better than romance’, featuring songs like _Cigarettes and chocolate milk_ , _Sex_ , and _F**k him he’s a DJ_. Through the wall on her right side she can hear Leigh in her room, doing what sounds like Shereen. As usual, then. Jesy sighs. 

Her thoughts flit to Jade’s bum this morning and she blushes, ridiculously enough. If Perrie and Leigh knew about this, she’d never hear the end of it. Jesy sighs and adds ’I would’ to the playlist. On her left side there are no sounds through the wall – that’s Jade’s room. Jesy wonders where she is. Maybe the library; Jade is more studious than the rest of them put together. Okay, that might be an exaggeration, but it seems that way to Jesy, who so far has made it through school on good memory and a great ability to bullshit both on paper and in speech.

She’s lying on her bed, which is uncomfortable for typing but comfortable enough that it’s worth it anyway. The book she would be reading if she was more like Jade is glaring at her from the little worn desk: Music Theory. Jesy sits up and turns her back to it, scrolling through her old playlists to find more songs to fit the theme. She’s so wrapped up in it she doesn’t notice the passing of time until she hears Jade’s door open and close and glances at the time: 22.36.

Must not have been the library, then.

-

The evening air is crisp and chilly where Jesy and Leigh-Anne are standing outside the pub to smoke. Jesy left her jacket inside, and the loosely knit black jumper she’s wearing isn’t doing much to keep her warm.

”Brr.” She rubs her cigarette-free hand up and down her arm. ”I thought March was meant to be a spring month.”

Leigh flicks her cigarette and pouts in sympathy. ”You should have worn your jacket, silly.”

Jesy rolls her eyes and takes a long drag, both eager to feel the nicotine hit her and to be done with it so she can go back inside. ”At least I’m not in transparent clothes,” she says, a little out of breath as she holds the smoke in. She’s hinting to Jess and Asami, who are wearing matching transparent tops. Their bras aren’t matching, however.

Leigh laughs in her big green parka. Jesy is sure that’s Jade’s, but who knows. ”Whatever. Have you started on the harmony assignment?”

”What assignment?” Jesy grins in satisfaction when Leigh inhales sharply. ”Nah, don’t worry, I’ve started it.” Leigh slaps her arm, half-jokingly.

”If you’re struggling we could study together,” she says as she stubs her cigarette out in the clay ashtray. ”You should take your education seriously.”

Jesy almost feels bad, then; when she says she’s started the assignment, she doesn’t mean ”started doing actual work” as much as ”looked at the paper and then watched Nicki Minaj live videos on youtube for three hours”. That’s what she wants to do: hype up a crowd, sing her heart out, have people sing her lyrics back to her. She knows that doing her assignments is one way to get there, but the truth is, she mostly does her schoolwork because she knows that’s what Nicki wants her to do.

”Thank you for the offer,” she says earnestly and reaches for the door. ”I’ll think about it.”

When they get back to their table, Jade and Shereen are doing shots of what looks like Jägermeister from neon yellow plastic glasses, and Perrie, Asami, and Jess are wrapped up in a wild discussion about something Jesy can’t decipher. She sits down next to Jade, who wrinkles her nose awfully adorably and shudders through her shot.

”Uah!” She sticks her tongue out. ”I hate Jäger.”

Shereen laughs, and Jesy raises an eyebrow at Jade. ”Why do you drink it, then?”

Jade makes a silly face. ”Because it’s the source of all my powers,” she says in a duh-voice.

Jesy hasn’t had that much to drink yet, just a Bulmer’s, but she feels warm inside. ”How could I forget,” she says sarcastically. ”And here I thought the source of your powers were extensive studying and soy milk chai lattes.”

”The soy milk makes all the difference,” Jade immediately says; this is a common topic of discussion, and Jade gets heated defending her favourite beverage.

”But you drink regular milk usually,” Shereen cuts in, and then they’re off again.

Jesy tunes out and looks over at Perrie; she doesn’t drink alcohol, and Jesy doesn’t like getting too drunk around her, doesn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. Perrie says she doesn’t mind, that she signs up for it on the rare occasion that she joins them to the pub, but still. It’s awkward being too drunk around a sober person, makes you all too aware of how ridiculous you’re being.

”You okay?” Jesy mouths at Perrie, and she rolls her eyes.

”Fine,” she mouths back, and then her attention is on Asami again.

Jesy is just about to get another drink, maybe something less sweet this time, when someone enters the pub and Jade freezes in the heated gesture she was about to make. It’s a blond man, wearing black jeans and a sensible windbreaker, looking utterly plain in Jesy’s eyes. But Jade’s gaze follows him to the bar, until she realises what she’s doing and she hastily looks away.

”And who,” Leigh leans over the table, ”is that?” She waggles her eyebrows and Jade blushes all the way down to her Peter Pan collar. Oh no.

”His name is Niall,” she tells the scrapes and stains on the wooden table. By now everyone is looking at her, waiting for her to explain, but she says no more, so Asami steps in.

”And..?” She motions with her hand for Jade to continue.

Jade glances over her shoulder, and Jesy follows her gaze to where this Niall person is sat at a table in a corner with some other bloke. ”Er,” Jade clears her throat, ”we’ve been kind of doing a thing lately.”

”And you didn’t tell us?!” Perrie sounds indignant. ”That’s against the friendship code, you know.” She sounds half-joking, but Jesy detects some genuine hurt there. It’s true that they tell each other a lot, but not everything.

”It hasn’t been long, or anything,” Jade protests. ”It’s not a big deal.”

”Are you in love?” Leigh is resting her chin on her hands and fluttering her eyelashes. She must have had more to drink than Jesy.

Jade laughs. ”We’ve only met up twice, I think it’s a bit early for words like that.” She glances over her shoulder again. ”He’s nice,” she adds, like an afterthought. ”Very… considerate.”

The table erupts in cheers and Jade slaps a hand over her mouth when she realises what everyone is thinking. Jesy isn’t cheering, though. She desperately wants that second drink, but leaving now would probably send the wrong message. Instead she nudges Jade’s elbow with hers and - when Jade looks at her - waggles her eyebrows. Jade holds her gaze for a second, licks her lips, then looks away. She looks so wonderful, her cheeks accentuated by the flush of embarrassment, somehow glowing in the attention.

Jesy slaps the table, causing Jade to flinch and everyone else to look at Jesy. ”Who else wants tequila?” She exclaims, and flashes a smile to Leigh-Anne, who throws her hands up and grins.

”Tequila!”

Jade shakes her head, but Jesy can see that she’s smiling. 

Three hours later, the pub makes the mistake of playing Beyoncé. Everyone in their group starts singing along loudly, Perrie loudest of all, to the dismay of the barstaff. They get several nasty looks, but Jesy is too drunk to care, throws her hands up and belts out, ”finally, you put my love on top!”

When Asami gets up on the table, empty cider bottle in her hand as a microphone, they get thrown out and put on barwatch. Jesy can’t stop laughing for some reason, but Perrie is annoyed at Asami, resolutely stomping ahead and ignoring the calls of ”wait!” from the rest of the group, who are still trying to gather their bearings just outside.

Jade is nowhere to be seen.

”Has anyone seen Jade?” Jesy tries to keep her voice steady, but her legs aren’t, so it’s difficult.

”She left a bit ago with that Niall bloke,” Leigh says, raising her eyebrows at Jesy. ”How drunk are you?”

”Shut up.” Jesy gestures lazily to make Leigh stop, but she just starts laughing at her. ”Whatever,” Jesy mutters.

She buries her hands in her pockets as they wander toward the bus stop, and tries not to imagine what ’considerate’ might mean in a sexual context.

-

The next day is slow and lazy, over-buttered toast and tea without milk. They’re all gathered in the kitchen in various state of hungoverness. Perrie is smug, as usual, and has evidently made up with Asami because she’s at the stove making her a fry-up.

”It smells amazing,” Jesy tries, hoping that the flattery will get her some.

”Nice try, booby,” Perrie waggles her finger at Jesy, ”but this is all for my baby and none of you nasties can have any.”

Jesy pouts, and Perrie rolls her eyes. ”Fine,” she says, and gets a saucer from the cupboard. ”You can have a little.”

”Thank you.” Jesy takes the saucer and kisses Perrie’s shoulder. ”You know I love you the most, right?”

”Actually–” Asami pipes up from the table, and Jesy groans.

”Never mind, please spare me.”

Perrie and Asami share a grossly romantic look and Jesy feels nauseous.

”I know,” Shereen says when Jesy sits down next to her. ”Disgusting.”

They’ve just about finished eating (Jesy’s done with her tiny portion in about two seconds) when Jade enters the kitchen. She’s wearing last night’s outfit, much to everyone’s amusement. They cheer as much as they have energy to, which for Perrie is a lot, and Jesy stays silent.

Jade smiles coyly and says nothing, just heads for the sink and gets a glass of water.

”So,” Perrie starts, ”how was your night?” The ’night’ is loaded with suggestion. 

This is not what Jesy needed to soothe her hangover.

Jade swallows several gulps of water and smacks her lips before she responds. ”It was good,” she says, drawing out the ’good’ in the same suggestive tone.

”You’re not going to tell us anything?” Shereen pouts, and Jesy feels unreasonably betrayed.

”What do you want to know, then?” Jade purses her lips, but her eyes are twinkling with amusement.

”How did you two meet, anyway?” Asami looks bright and happy, like the world is easy and beautiful. It shouldn’t make Jesy feel as bitter as it does.

Jade’s silent for a beat too long before responding. ”Tinder,” she says shortly.

”Wow, romance isn’t dead,” Jesy says sarcastically.

Perrie bursts out laughing. ”That’s rich, coming from you.” She’s got a point, but it stings a bit nonetheless. Jesy laughs with her, though, as loud as she can.

”Whatever.” Jade puts her glass in the sink without washing it. ”I have to leave, so.”

”We’re sorry!” Perrie yells after her, and Jade waves over her shoulder without looking back as she exits the kitchen.

This doesn’t feel good. ”I better go apologise,” Jesy mutters, and then she runs after Jade. She catches up to her just outside their rooms.

”Hey.” She wants to reach out and touch Jade, but holds back.

Jade turns around. ”What?”

”I’m sorry,” Jesy says. ”I don’t think there’s anything wrong with hooking up with someone on Tinder.”

The lines around Jade’s mouth change into something slightly more smile-like. ”It’s fine,” she says. ”But thanks.”

”I–” Jesy stops herself. ”Never mind. I just wanted to apologise.”

Jade actually smiles then, with a warmth that seems to spread to Jesy’s stomach. ”Really, no worries.”

Jesy breathes out. ”Okay then. I’ll leave you to–” she waves in the air ”–whatever it is that you do.”

”Studying,” Jade replies with an amused eyebrow raised.

”Right.” Jesy feels flustered, which is ridiculous. ”Good luck with that, then.” She turns on her heel and reaches for the handle to her own door.

”Jesy?” She stops with her hand on the handle, and turns around to face Jade again.Jade’s biting her bottom lip. ”Actually, never mind.” She laughs. ”See you later.”

Jesy blinks stupidly. ”Later,” she manages, and then she can finally close the door behind her and is in the safety of her room.

What the hell was that? Jesy slumps down on her bed, groaning quietly so Jade won’t hear it through the wall. 

It used to be easier than this. It used to be easy; laughing when people asked why she was single, singing Beyoncé at the top of her lungs, sometimes kissing someone drunkenly, stupidly, surrounding herself with music and laughter and never being sorry about her lack of romance. Falling into this group of girls had happened seamlessly when they started uni almost two years ago now, and Jesy loves them. Only now it’s not so easy – it seems like her time is up, the acceptable time to be single has passed, and they’re worried about her.

Being with Jade used to be easier, too. Jesy doesn’t know if it’s her awareness of her own feelings that have made her awkward around Jade, she just knows that they were friends and Jesy loved her and one day she realised that she loved Jade in a different way than the others. It wasn’t a big thing, really – it seemed right, and fitting, and no one is ever going to find out. Jesy will be single forever because she doesn’t want to risk their friendship and if she can’t have the person she wants, what use is it to be with someone?

She chokes out a bitter laugh into the silence of her room. Through the wall, she can hear Jade’s voice on the phone with someone. She can’t hear words, but Jade’s tone is happy, easy, so far from the awkward fumbling conversation they just had. It didn’t use to be like this.

Jesy sits up, decisively, and then walks over to her stereo. Feeling sorry for herself is no good. She scrolls through her ipod until she finds Beyoncé and soon ’Me, myself and I’ fills her room and mind.

_I’m gonna be my own best friend._

 

-

The next week is filled with worry: with Leigh’s words in mind, Jesy starts doing actual work on her harmony assignment – only to find that it’s unexpectedly difficult. 

When Friday comes, she declines Jess’ invite to go out, opting instead to stay home and sulk and google successful people without university education. She turns the volume up on The Pinkprint (it’s Friday, after all, surely people won’t mind, she reasons) and sings along, ignoring that she should be doing schoolwork. She goes to bed just after midnight.

Jesy is almost drifting off to sleep when she hears Jade’s door open and close, and then a deep voice that’s definitely not Jade. Great. She listens harder, without meaning to, and thinks she can detect Jade’s voice too. Then they fall silent, and Jesy slowly starts to relax again, until she hears a noise which jolts her right back into a state of extreme awakeness. 

That’s definitely Jade moaning. Holy. Shit. Jesy bites her lip and feels a jolt of arousal through her stomach. She resolutely crosses her arms over her chest. Jade makes this high - almost whining - breathy sound and Jesy can actually feel her vagina clench. Fucking hell. Her mouth has gone desert dry, but she doesn’t dare move, as if she’d make a sound they’d notice. She closes her eyes hard. This is actually torture. 

It feels like it goes on forever. When it ends, Jesy can hear some kind of grunt and then a heavenly sound she’s pretty sure will haunt her the rest of her life. She’s agonizingly turned on by now, sweating under her covers but unmoving, just laying there with her hands balled up in fists and her eyes firmly closed. As if that’s helping.

A long while after the other side of the wall is quiet, Jesy lies awake and wills her heartbeat to slow down. She’s still turned on, but it’s fading slowly. Christ. It’s not until she unclenches her fists that she falls asleep.

-

The next morning Jesy wakes up with her hand down her pants. She had been dreaming about Jade, and when the dream was just getting good, close to orgasm under Jade’s touch, she startled awake. It takes her a second to stop being confused, and when she realises what she’s doing, she feels her face go hot. But she’s so close… mind still half in the dream, she goes on rubbing her clit, biting her lip so she won’t make noise. Her back arches when she comes, her legs shaking, her body expressing the feeling her voice isn’t allowed to. When the final waves of arousal have ebbed out, she wipes her hand on the sheets and lets herself open her mouth to get her breath back.

So much for not getting off to her friend. Jesy grimaces. This isn’t good, not good at all.

After a few minutes of calming down – hopefully getting less flushed in the face – she puts some joggers on and hurries to the toilet to wee and wash her hands. She looks herself in the mirror and sighs. The flush is still there, and her hair is a mess. Jesy makes an effort to flatten it down a bit in the back where it’s bunched up against the pillow, then heads for the kitchen.

When she enters, she thanks herself for putting some trousers on.

”’ello!” beams the legendary Niall.

I know what you sound like when you come, Jesy thinks. ”Hiya,” she says, and waves. ”Jesy.”

”I’m Niall.” He’s got a good handshake, looks her in the eye and smiles, and all Jesy can think is that he touched Jade with those hands. Her smile feels strained.

”Morning,” Perrie chirps from the table, and then Jade ducks out from behind the fridge door.

”Good morning.” Jesy says it to the entire room, but Jade is looking at her, so it’s as if it’s directed to just her.

”I hope we didn’t disturb you when we got home last night,” Jade says casually.

Jesy stops breathing. ”Er, no, didn’t hear a thing.”

Niall smiles smugly and God. Whyyyyyy. Jesy can feel Perrie’s eyes on her when she makes herself some toast, but she doesn’t turn around. When she’s got her breakfast ready she starts walking, balancing the tea carefully so as not to spill.

”You’re not eating with us?” Jesy can hear Perrie’s pout even though she can’t see it.

”I have to study, sorry,” Jesy manages, and then hurries out before someone can call her on that obvious lie. 

Her breakfast is eaten while sitting cross-legged on the floor in her room. She can hear boisterous laughter from the kitchen and sighs over her tea, causing tiny waves to erupt on the hot liquid.

It used to be so much easier.

 

-

The next weekend the air is warmer, the sun stays out longer, and Jesy feels good. She’s in her room listening to music and pondering what to do (studying is not an option, considering how well that went last time) when there’s a knock on her door.

”Come in!” She yells, then turns the volume down on her PUMP IT UP party playlist.

The door swings open slowly and there’s Jade. ”Hi.” She smiles at Jesy, the kind of ’please like me’ smile she used all the time when they first became friends, and Jesy melts.

”Hi, babe.” The endearment slips out automatically, and Jesy forces herself not to tense up afterwards. Don’t make it weird.

”You up to anything tonight?” Jade’s in thin tights and short shorts and her face looks open and hopeful.

Jesy shakes her head. ”No plans yet,” she says. Kesha thumps on at low volume, something about dancing.

”Do you want to come to the pub?” Jade’s holding her hands together in front of her. ”Niall knows someone who works at a place in town, so he’ll let us in.” She smiles lopsidedly.

It shouldn’t be possible to feel this much affection for a person. Jade could have asked her to go to Mordor and Jesy would have said yes, had she been wearing that smile.

”Sounds brilliant,” she says. ”When do you wanna leave? I need to change and stuff.”

Jade shrugs. ”Whenever you’re ready, but sooner rather than later. Happy hour ends at seven.” She winks and Jesy hopes she’s not blushing, but she feels like she is.

”All right, I’ll be quick.” She salutes Jade, who giggles and then waves and closes the door again.

Jesy’s blood is pumping at full speed; it’s not going to take long to get pissed if that goes on. Fueled by nerves she flits through her room, looking for her big choker necklace and the leather jacket she wants to wear, then squeezes into the tightest jeans she owns. On top she grabs a shamelessly skimpy top, cleavage cut all the way down to the middle part of her bra. When she’s done with her face makeup, she stops for a second and then dusts some shimmery powder over her collarbones and chest.

There’s nothing weird about wanting to look your best when you go out on a Friday, she tells herself. Absolutely nothing. She knows she’s lying, which is the big downside to lying to yourself, but she still does it and doesn’t change her mind.

The pub turns out to be an almost classy place, most patrons being middle-aged or older men and women, drinking dark pints, brandy, or red wine. Jesy and her glittery chest feel out of place. But Niall seems to know half of them, getting smiles and salutes as he walks along, Jade following behind him. 

At least they’re not holding hands.

Jesy stops to look around the place – there are paintings on the walls, mostly nautical motifs – until Jade bumps her shoulder and nods to a table. Niall’s already sitting with a bunch of pints in front of him, delightedly sipping from one of them. 

”Come on, then,” Jade says, and Jesy follows her. Jade sits down next to Niall so Jesy has no choice but to sit facing the both of them.

”I’ve heard a lot about you,” Niall says and wipes some excess beer from his mouth with the back of his hand.

Jesy raises an eyebrow. ”Really, now?” She looks at Jade, who blushes and shrugs.

Niall goes on. ”Yeah, Jade told me you used to play football?” He looks delighted. ”Why’d you quit?”

Oh boy. Jesy takes a long drink before responding. ”Too many men throwing themselves at me,” she jokes. ”It got to be inconvenient.”

Niall’s laugh is loud and barking. ”Fair enough,” he says when he’s done, and Jesy’s shoulders relax again. She ignores Jade’s look, closes her eyes and takes another drink.

The real reason she stopped playing football isn’t as flattering, and she doesn’t like talking about it, at least not to strangers. She wonders how and when it had come up in their conversation; Jesy briefly imagines Jade resting her head on Niall’s chest, sleepily listening to him talking about his football team, and suddenly blurting out ”Jesy used to play football”.

Jesy shakes her head back to the present. ”Do you play?” she asks Niall, whose hand has disappeared under the table. Christ.

”Just for fun,” he says easily and shrugs. ”Got a friend who’s really good, though. Louis Tomlinson?”

Jade and Jesy make the same face of recognition at the exact same time. ”Perrie knows him,” Jade says. ”Drama studies, right?”

Niall nods and grins. ”This is so cool,” he says. ”We kind of fit together.”

He’s still got his hand under the table and Jesy feels like crying. Yeah, they fit perfectly. Who is she to stand in the way of that? She downs the rest of her beer, not caring that some of it drips down on her chest.

”Thanks for the pint,” she says and puts the glass down on the table with a heavy clunk. ”But I’ve got to get back. You have a fun night, though, all right?”

Jade furrows her brows and doesn’t say anything. Niall looks surprised. ”But we’ve only just started to get to know each other,” he says.

”And we’ll continue some other time.” Jesy’s already standing and smiles down apologetically. ”Thanks again. Bye.”

She walks out without waiting for Jade to say goodbye.

-

When Jesy gets home, Perrie and Leigh are in the kitchen baking. She doesn’t bother changing, just slumps down at the table.

”Home already?” Leigh nods at her outfit. ”Not a good night?”

Jesy shrugs. ”I just wanted to leave Jade and Niall to it,” she says. It’s almost the truth.

Perrie turns around with a spoon in her hand. ”You were with them and we didn’t get invited? We’ve barely met him!”

”He said he knows Louis,” Jesy tries. Perrie’s eyes widen.

”Really?” She clicks with her tongue. ”I still think it’s weird that Jade would only invite you, but whatever.”

”She probably didn’t want to overwhelm him,” Leigh supplies.

”Maybe.” Perrie doesn’t sound convinced.

”Does it really matter?” Jesy sighs. ”What are you baking, anyway?”

Leigh and Perrie light up at the same time. It’s adorable. ”Brownies!” They say in unison, then start giggling. Jesy can’t help smiling.

”Can I help?” Jesy shrugs her jacket off, and after a second of consideration removes her bra as well. Might as well get comfortable. Leigh wolf-whistles and Jesy rolls her eyes. Like they haven’t done this dozens of times.

”Nah,” Perrie says. ”We’re almost done. You can help us pick a movie, though.” She smiles at Jesy and looking at the faces of her friends is such a comfort, Jesy’s very happy she went home.

They end up watching Donnie Darko and dipping their brownies in tea, crumbs accumulating at the bottom of their cups and Leigh asking questions about what the hell is going on in the film.

When Jesy goes to bed she’s sugar dizzy and the events from the pub earlier push to the front of her mind. What if Jade is angry with her for leaving? An uncomfortable feeling sets in her stomach. Thankfully she can’t hear any sounds from the room next door, but she still sleeps restlessly.

 

-

Monday finds Jesy with books all over the kitchen table, trying to engage herself in the harmonies of Schubert. She can’t. It’s oddly quiet, and early enough in the afternoon that everybody else is in lectures or studying in the library. Jesy is contemplating if relocating to a more studious environment will help, when Jade walks in. They haven’t talked since Jesy walked out on her at the pub, and she freezes.

”Oh, hello!” Jade smiles, but there’s a hint of tension in her voice. ”Didn’t know you were here.” She walks to a cupboard and gets a bowl, then reaches up to another one to get her cereal.

”Hi,” Jesy says to Jade’s back. ”Yeah, I’m studying. Or trying to.”

Jade turns around, her spoon clinking against the bowl as she puts it down on the counter. ”What are you studying?” She sounds genuinely interested, bless her.

”The Schubert harmony thing.” Jesy gestures to the books. ”I don’t know, I can’t make myself care about it.”

”Oh, that one. I already did mine.” Jade pauses, and chews her lip a second before she adds, ”I could help you if you want.”

Jesy exhales in relief. Weirdness or not, she could really use some help. ”That would be brilliant, thank you.”

It might be Jesy’s imagination, but she thinks she spots relief on Jade’s face, too. ”I just have to eat a bit,” she says and points to her bowl of cereal, then proceeds to pour milk in it. Jesy clears a bit of the table so Jade can sit down, and she does.

”So,” she says between bites, ”about the other night.”

Jesy swallows. ”What about it?”

”You left,” Jade says. It sounds more confused than accusatory.

”Yeah, I–” There’s so much Jesy could say right now. She doesn’t say any of it. ”I felt a bit like a third wheel, was all. Sorry.”

Jade’s eyes widen. ”I didn’t mean for that,” she says, and she sounds hurt. Oh no.

”You did nothing wrong,” Jesy hurries to say. ”Just me being weird.”

There’s a few moments of silence. Jade scrapes her spoon at the bottom of the bowl. It’s a horrendous sound, but it’s better than complete awkwardness.

”You know,” Jade says, ”if you’d like to be set up I’m sure Niall knows someone.”

Oh God. Jesy bites back a frustrated groan. ”Thanks, but no thanks,” she says. ”I don’t want to date, okay?”

Jade makes a face and lifts her hands in front of her. ”Okay, just thought I’d offer.”

This time Jesy can’t hold back a sigh. ”Let’s just study, okay?”

There’s a hint of dissatisfaction on Jade’s face, but she nods. ”All right, show me what you’ve got so far.”

They work in unusual silence and seriousness, no chatting, no giggles. Of course, with Jade’s help it turns out not to be difficult at all. When they’re done Jesy thanks her and Jade smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. As soon as she leaves, Jesy puts her face in her arms and groans.

What a fucking joke her life is.

-

Things get worse from there. March turns into April, the days grow longer and warmer, and Jesy pretends she doesn’t see the pitying looks from the girls when they hold hands with their partners in her presence. She doesn’t care about that. With one exception, at least.

Jade starts bringing Niall around to hang out with them. Jesy tries, she really does, but whenever he does something like stroke Jade’s neck as he talks to Perrie, or hold Jade’s hand when they’re watching a movie, Jesy feels like burning. So she stays quiet, and Perrie gives her puzzled looks. 

”Tired,” Jesy mouths at her.

Perrie still looks puzzled, but she doesn’t press further.

Whenever she can, Jesy excuses herself and leaves. She spends a lot of time in her room, and when Jade and Niall are in Jade’s room, she goes for long walks. Music turned up loud and her hands in her pockets (it’s still chilly in the night) she walks frantically until an hour has passed and she dares to go back.

One night when she gets back she meets Jade in the hallway. She’s wearing a t-shirt and hopefully pants, Jesy can’t tell. Her face is flushed and her hair is a mess and Jesy feels like she can’t breathe.

Jade startles when she sees her. ”Oh, hi!” Then she furrows her brows. ”You’re out walking late.”

A deep breath. ”Yup.” Jesy doesn’t know where to look. She balls her fists in her pockets and looks at the floor by Jade’s bare feet. Jade’s toenails are painted mint green.

Jade clears her throat. ”I was just going to–” She gestures toward the toilets.

”Go on, then.” Every word between them is tense, like a stretched rubber band, and Jesy hates this. ”Good night,” she adds in an attempt to make everything more friendly, but it ends up sounding more awkward than anything else.

”You too,” Jade replies, her voice unsure.

Then she goes off with quiet steps against the floor and Jesy can flee into her room.

-

”Did something happen between you and Jade?” Perrie’s dyeing Jesy’s hair again, and meets Jesy’s gaze in the mirror.

Jesy tenses. ”What do you mean?”

Perrie squirts out a cool streak of dye onto Jesy’s parting before speaking again. ”I don’t know,” she says and starts to rub it in, ”but you’ve been acting strange.”

Jesy closes her eyes. She’s aching to tell Perrie about everything, but she knows that it’s a slippery slope from there, and she really doesn’t want Jade to find out. Not like that. ”I’m just stressed,” she tries. ”Been feeling weird in general. Me and Jade are fine.”

”Hm.” Perrie doesn’t sound convinced. ”If you say so.”

Something turns over in Jesy’s stomach. She hates lying to her friends, hates feeling like this, hates that it’s not easy anymore. The smell of chemicals fill her nostrils and she stays quiet and lets Perrie take care of her.

-

A few days later Jesy and Leigh-Anne are cooking together while Perrie, Asami, and Shereen are studying at the table. Leigh hums a song and Jesy whistles along with her easily, while she rubs dry thyme between her fingers before letting the herb fall down into the lentil soup they’re making. They’re just setting out plates, the girls at the table putting their books away for the time being, when Jade comes in.

”Smells amazing,” she says. Her cheeks have a healthy flush, like she’s just been out jogging. Or maybe done some more horizontal exercise, Jesy thinks before she can stop herself.

”Hi babe,” Leigh says. ”Want some? There’s enough, for sure.”

Jade smiles. ”That’d be brilliant, thanks.” She says hello to Perrie, Asami, and Shereen, and sits down.

Jesy is still standing by the stove, hands tapping on her studded belt. ”I think I’m gonna eat in my room,” she blurts out.

Leigh turns from the cupboard and looks at her with a surprised frown. ”But–” she starts, but Jesy interrupts her.

”I’m sorry,” she says, ”I just have so much to do and I’ve been with you for a bit now, and I just, yeah.” She’s already scooping soup into a bowl. Some of it splashes on the stove.

She puts a spoon in it, and everyone is looking strangely at her. Jesy smiles, the most normal one she can muster, and walks out as fast as she can without spilling hot soup.

Her door hasn’t been closed for more than thirty seconds, and she’s halfway to her desk with this very impractical food, when there’s a knock on the door.

Jesy jerks and some soup gets on her hand. ”Fuck!” She walks faster to set it down on her desk, and there it spills over again, a huge stain on her Music Theory book. Fuck. She licks over the burn on her hand, trying to soothe it, and burns her tongue as well. Jesy whines loudly.

”You all right?” It’s muffled, but it’s clearly Jade’s voice behind that door.

Double fuck.

”Yeah,” Jesy yells through the door. She stands by her desk for a second, but she has to open the door. Fuck.

”Hi,” she says dumbly when she opens.

Jade’s hiding her hands in her jumper sleeves. ”Hello,” she says, then looks down on Jesy’s feet. ”Can I come in?”

”’Course.” Jesy steps back to let Jade in, ignoring how fast her heart is beating in her chest.

Jade walks in and stops in the middle of the room, then turns around to Jesy. Jesy closes the door.

”So,” Jade begins. ”What happened?”

”You mean now? Well, I burned my hand, and then I spilled some more, and–”

”No.” Jade looks serious. ”Why are you avoiding me?” Jesy opens her mouth, but Jade shushes her, looking more stern than Jesy has ever seen her. ”Don’t lie to me, I know something’s up. Please, just talk to me.”

Jesy deflates. She doesn’t feel so fiery right now. ”Er, okay.” Jade’s looking at her, her brown eyes sad, and Jesy is about to fuck everything up. She takes a deep breath. ”I suppose I have been avoiding you,” she starts carefully, ”you’re not wrong there.”

Jade nods, and Jesy tries to find words, tries to magically come up with a wording that will make this anything less than it is. There is no such wording. ”The thing is that, well, I’m sort of, I kind of,” a deep breath, “I didn’t want to get in the way because I have feelings for you,” she says in a rush.

”Pardon?” Jade’s brows are furrowed. ”I didn’t catch that.”

Jesy closes her eyes to gain strength, then opens them again and looks right at Jade. ”I didn’t want to get in the way, because I have feelings for you.” Jade’s eyebrows shoot up. ”Romantic feelings,” Jesy clarifies, because why hold back now.

”Oh.” Jade’s brows have gone down again. Jesy can’t read her facial expression. ”Okay.” A short silence. ”Thank you for telling me.”

She smiles, and Jesy can almost breathe again, but then she speaks. ”I have to go take care of something,” Jade says. ”But thank you, really.”

Jade’s hand is on the door before Jesy finds herself enough to ask, ”Are we good?” The words spill out of her mouth quickly, and Jade turns her head and smiles.

”Yeah, we’re good.”

But then she leaves. Jade leaves, and Jesy has no idea what the fuck just happened.

-

Two hours later the soup has gone cold, and Jesy still haven’t touched it. She’s paced back and forth in her room, listened to her playlist (which didn’t help), and in her mind tried to figure out her chances of getting a new friend group now. She reckons her chances are slim and that she’s doomed to a friendless life, because Jade will get to keep the friend group and that will be that. Not even Nicki is helping.

There’s a knock on the door. Jesy flinches, the sound abruptly throwing her out of her own head and into reality.

She opens the door to find Jade. Jesy’s mouth drops open, and Jade’s blushing.

”Hi again,” she says, like she didn’t just leave Jesy alone after her embarrassing confession of love.

”Hi?” Jesy feels confused and perhaps a little annoyed. ”You know, I understood the rejection the first time, you don’t have to rub it in.”

Jade looks puzzled for a second, and then her eyebrows shoot up when she realises. ”Oh no, no, let me explain, please.”

Jesy prepares to be hurt, but she lets Jade in and closes the door. She turns the volume down, then turns to Jade with her arms crossed over her chest.

”Well?”

Jade takes a deep breath. ”I just went to tell Niall I couldn’t see him anymore.” Her voice is quiet, almost trembling.

Jesy’s arms fall down her sides. ”And why did you do that?” The thing she’s thinking is too good to be true, she needs to make sure, needs to know what’s going on.

”Because,” Jade meets her eye for a second before looking away again, ”someone I really like told me they liked me.”

There’s not enough air in the room. Jesy has stopped breathing. Her chest is so full, her stomach too, she didn’t know it was possible to feel this much at once but she’s about to keel over under the weight of this emotion.

”So you’re single now,” Jesy manages. The words sound unreal to her, like they’re in a dream or under water.

Jade nods, a hint of a smile on her face. ”Looks like it.”

Jesy grins. ”Would you like to go on a date with me?”

-

Jade and Jesy go on their first date on a Tuesday. It’s a clear spring day, hot enough for transparent black tights but cold enough for Jesy’s leather jacket, and when they get on the bus, Jesy takes Jade’s hand. Jade squeezes it and smiles.

It’s easy.

”I can’t believe this,” Jesy says. ”I never in a million years thought this would actually happen.”

Jade giggles, and Jesy can finally look at her cute face with the heart-eyes she’s been trying to hide. ”Me neither, if I’m being honest,” Jade says. ”You were always so anti-romance, I assumed there was no chance.”

That explains a lot. Jesy doesn’t know if she should laugh or frown, but there only seems to be laughter in her today. 

She smiles. ”I just knew what I wanted.” A pause. ”Didn’t want to settle for something I didn’t want.”

Jade pauses and thinks, her arm pressing against Jesy’s when the bus makes a turn. ”That makes sense,” she says after a while. ”But why did you never tell me?”

“I did tell you, didn’t I?” Jesy grins, but Jade rolls her eyes at her.

“I meant before.” She looks at Jesy with serious eyes, and Jesy meets them.

“I didn’t want to risk losing you as a friend,” she says, her voice low and earnest.

Jade’s mouth opens a little bit. “As if,” she says after a few seconds. But she doesn’t ask more after that.

They go to a Tesco’s and get snacks, and then they head for a park. It’s a bit chilly, and more than a bit windy, but Jade’s brought a blanket and they squeeze tight together so they can throw it over their legs while they eat.

”I probably shouldn’t have got an ice cream,” Jade admits, but she keeps licking it, her tongue coming away coated in creamy pink.

”I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jesy says and winks. ”I’m perfectly warm.” She is; Jade’s leg is pressed against her, and her body heat seems to spread into her very core.

Jade rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling. Jesy missed this, the ease between them, the warmth. Only now it’s different, but she thinks that this will be good too. She thinks it’s going to be amazing.

When Jade’s done with her ice cream, and has wrapped the stick in the empty plastic wrapper it came in, she kisses Jesy. Her lips are sticky and her tongue is cool, tasting like strawberry ice cream. She kisses slowly, carefully, and Jesy follows, their mouths finding each other in an easy harmony. Like this is what they were meant to do.

Jesy presses a kiss on Jade’s nose, and the wind causes her hair to blow in over their faces. ”Nice,” Jade says.

”Mhm.” Jesy can’t stop smiling. 

A bit further away in the park there are children playing, their delighted shrieks carrying through the air. The sun is shining and the blanket has slid off their legs. Jade gives Jesy another quick kiss, but she pulls back when Jesy leans into it.

”I have a question,” Jade says, and Jesy leans away. ”When do we tell the girls?”

Jesy shrugs. ”When we get back?”

Jade smiles. ”Okay. Just wanted to check if we were on the same page.” The sun makes her hair shine and Jesy feels like singing.

”Hey, I also have a question.” Jesy grins. ”When are Invisible Pyjamas going to start rehearsing?”

Jade lights up when she remembers, and starts laughing. ”Whenever you want,” she says. ”Right now I want to rehearse kissing you, though, if that’s all right.” She waggles her eyebrows.

Jesy groans. ”That’s the worst line I have ever heard!” But she’s giggling, and Jade’s breath is warm over her lips.

They kiss until their ears are too cold for comfort and the blanket isn’t helping any more. On the bus ride home they hold hands again, and Jesy’s palm is too sweaty but she doesn’t let go. Not now when she’s finally got what she wants.

-

They walk into the kitchen hand in hand, and Perrie and Leigh light up when they see them.

”You made up!” Perrie claps her hands together and smiles widely. ”Yay!”

Jade glances at Jesy and squeezes her hand. ”Actually,” Jesy says, ”we’ve got something to tell you.”

Leigh stops chopping onions and Asami and Shereen look up from the table. All eyes are on them and Jade squeezes Jesy’s hand again.

”We’re sort of dating.” Jesy smiles nervously. ”Er. Yeah.”

Perrie’s mouth drops open and Leigh’s eyebrows shoot up. ”You’re what now?” Perrie’s voice is shrill.

”Oh my god,” Asami mumbles.

Jade nods. ”Dating,” she supplies. ”I broke up with Niall,” she adds hastily.

Perrie closes her mouth. ”Oh my god,” she echoes.

”I kind of thought you were aromantic,” Leigh says, looking at Jesy. ”I was thinking about how I could bring it up.” She laughs in disbelief. ”Suppose I was wrong.”

Jesy doesn’t know what to say to that. ”Thanks,” she says. ”But no.”

”I can’t believe I assumed you were straight,” Perrie says, and looks horrified. ”I’m so sorry!”

Jesy shrugs. ”I never said anything, so. But thank you.”

”Still!” Perrie shakes her head. ”How heteronormative of me.”

”Society fucks us up, love.” Leigh puts a hand on Perrie’s shoulder. ”It takes time to unlearn this shit.”

”Still,” Perrie says again.

”Congratulations, by the way,” Shereen says quietly from the table.

Jesy and Jade start smiling at the exact same time. ”Thank you,” they say in unison. It takes one look from Perrie for them all to start laughing, and then Perrie and Leigh are hugging them, and then Shereen and Asami join, and they’re a big cluster of laughing and hugging. 

Jesy is so incredibly happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! x


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